I Want to Go Home

I want to go home is the prayer of all prisoners who suffer the indignity of confinement. A Sonshine friend has persevered in the hope that his appeal would win back his freedom. However, to the shock of his parents and friends, his appeal was denied.

I wanted to let this young man know that his family and friends cannot even imagine his disappointment and frustration. However, he will never be forgotten and we would never give up the fight to bring him home. So, I decided to take the five-hour trip to the prison near Saranac Lake to offer our support and friendship. Once again, I called upon the hospitality of St. Bernard’s Parish and found Fr. Mark the new pastor to be a generous host. He informed me that a new chaplain has been appointed to the prison and that this young priest would be attending a gathering in the rectory when I arrive.

As I pulled into the rectory parking lot, I received a phone call from our inmate’s mom that he had literally just hung up on his mother. She managed to tell him that a visitor was coming from Rochester to see him and this sent him into a rage in which he told his mother that he never wanted to see anyone and hung up the phone. “I don’t know what to tell you,” this mom cried.

Yes, there are times no words can express our darkness and despair. A justice process that has failed to show him mercy outraged this young man. Despite the diligent efforts of his appeal attorney, he would be confined for many years with no hope of an early release. The reality of this decision was sinking in and he just wanted to be left alone. I’m not turning back I say to this mother and I told myself I will humbly go to visit him in the morning and let God take care of the rest.

That evening, I met our new young chaplain and shared the story of our young inmate. We exchanged contact numbers and told him that this young man is loved very much by his family and friends and would he please bring that message to his cell from us.

At 7am, I am signed-in at the prison’s visitor shelter waiting to be called in for the visit. A bus from New York City pulls in with a dozen women and children who had come to visit their fathers and dads. The visiting room was like a childcare center with babies crying and kids running around the room with their toys. Finally, my number was called and I marched through a series of locked gates. The guards were pleasant and greeted me kindly. I was escorted to a table in the back to wait for our young friend. A few minutes went by and I noticed the guard walking in my directions. His only words, “The inmate has refused to see any visitors.” As I was escorted out the door. I was not shocked or angry, just sad to not be able to tell him that I love him. I heard a guard whisper under his breath to his colleagues that I had come all the way from Rochester.

Someone shared with me over the weekend that I had actually given this young man a wonderful gift. They were aware that prisoners have no rights and must do as they are told everyday throughout their sentence. The only thing they have in their control is the ability to say “No” to a visit. It offered some dignity to the person who has suffered so much indignity. If this was God’s will for me to make this drive to show him that his parents and friends love him then “let it be done according to your will Lord.” I do not understand and neither do his parents why their son must endure such a painful sentence. We struggle to understated why God has allowed this man to suffer this indignity. His parents ask your prayers to give them wisdom on what their next steps should be to help release their son.

As I drove home, I allowed God to speak to my broken heart through nature. I took a series of photos that I hope would offer inspiration and solace to the heaviness I carried home. At this precise moment, I recall these words from the cross: “My God, My God why have you abandoned me.” Even Our Lord had his moments.

With faith that leads to courage, let us pray for one another when we are confronted by an experience that makes no sense. When we feel that our prayers have fallen on deaf ears. When I was taking photos on the way home, I felt that God was trying to help me to heal and ask that you take a deep look into this journey home that became a true healing experience for me. I love this verse that beautifully expresses what God wants us to do in moments of despair.

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with deep compassion I will bring you back.” (Isaiah 54:7).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sunshine Friends who feel abandoned in their trials. May the compassionate hand of God take us by the shoulders and allow our tears to fall so that hope and courage may take hold and bring us back to you.

May the Dear Lord Bless You

It was mommy’s birthday and the kids found a birthday cake with her favorite crème icing. This mom had reason to be grateful. A routine medical checkup found cancer that is being treated and a follow-up procedure hopes to keep this miserable disease in remission. However, she was anxious about her mother who was taken to the hospital on her birthday. Later in the day, she learned that the kid’s grandma‘s cancer had returned with a vengeance.

Grandma told her daughter to take the grandkids to Disney World and enjoy a few days in the sun and not to worry. At my suggestion, mom skipped mouseland and we took her kids on a thrilling airboat ride into Alligator Cove in Florida. The kids got to see Florida no one ever sees anymore. There were gators, eagles, “I-bends” better known as egrets, and real cows grazing in the marshes.

As all moms do, she mustered the courage to let her kids celebrate her birthday despite her fears about their grandmom. We held hands around the table and prayed to Jesus to take care of grandma. You could see the tired and worried look on her face. Then her beautiful children sang Happy Birthday. Suddenly after the last refrain, I believe an angel entered the room and whispered this message into the heart of her son when he immediately popped up and said that there’s a second verse to Happy Birthday. A little stunned, we sat in silence and awe as this choir boy on earth sang these sweet words: “May the dear Lord bless you, May the dear Lord bless you mommy! May the dear Lord bless you.”

His words pierced an anxious and aching heart. His tender voice and healing message was like a soothing balm for a troubled soul. Needless to say, mommy reached over the table and gave her son a hug, then she squeezed her daughter and I could see her holding back a tear. I can only imagine that her birthday wish was an urgent plea to God to save her dear mom and keep their grandma safe.

There are moments when no words can express the sorrow and pain. We look for answers but we shed only tears. This “little one” was blessed with a sacred revelation. His song came from the heart of Jesus. A sign that God indeed hears our desperate prayers. I can still hear his sweet voice as he sang with all his heart to his mommy these words: “May the dear Lord bless you.”

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away. And he who was seated on the throne said, Behold, I am making all things new.” (Revelations 21: 4-5).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sonshine Friends who feel the shroud of death and despair. Help us to surrender our fear and allow the voice of Jesus to pierce our darkness with words of courage and hope that he indeed will make all things new. May the Dear Lord Bless You!

All Will Be Well

I have the privilege of working with college students at Brockport as their chaplain. They have a zest for life and an energy and color that I can only envy. But inside of all this zest and energy, I notice that they lack hope because they do not have the spirit vision. They do not have a big story, a big vision, that can give them perspective beyond the ups and downs of their everyday lives. When their health, relationships, and lives are going well, they feel happy and full of hope; but the reverse is also true. When things aren’t going well the bottom falls out of their world. They don’t have anything to give them a vision beyond the present moment.

In essence, what I am describing might be called “the peace that this world can give us.” In his farewell discourse, Jesus contrasts two kinds of peace: a peace that he leaves us and a peace that the world can give us. What is the difference?

The peace that the world can give to us is not a negative or a bad peace. It is real and it is good, but it is fragile and inadequate. It is fragile because it can easily be taken away from us. Peace, as we experience it ordinarily in our lives, is generally predicated on feeling healthy, loved, and secure. But all of these are fragile. They can change radically with one visit to the doctor, with an unexpected dizzy spell, with sudden chest pains, with the loss of a job, with the rupture of a relationship, with the suicide of a loved one, or with multiple kinds of betrayal that can blindside us. We try mightily to take measures to guarantee health, security, and the trustworthiness of our relationships, but we live with a lot of anxiety, knowing these are always fragile. We live inside an anxious peace.

What Jesus offers is a peace that is not fragile, that is already beyond fear and anxiety, that does not depend upon feeling healthy, secure, and loved in this world. What is this peace?

At the last supper and as he was dying, Jesus offered us his gift of peace. And what is this? It is the absolute assurance the we are connected to the source of life in such a way that nothing, absolutely nothing, can ever sever - not bad health, not betrayal by someone, indeed, not even our own sins. We are unconditionally loved and held by the source of life itself and nothing can change that. Nothing can change God’s unconditional love for us.

If that is true, and it is, then we have an assurance of life, wholeness, and happiness beyond the loss of youth, the loss of health, the loss of reputation, the betrayal of friends, the suicide of a loved one, and even beyond our own sin and betrayals. In the end, as Julian of Norwich says, all will be well, and all will be well, and every manner of being will be well.

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord, make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sonshine Friends whose peace is fragile and anxious. When feeling broken, listen in your heart to Our Lord's promise that says: "I leave you a peace that no one can take from you." Know that in your worse fears, I hold you unconditionally close to my heart.

Shaking Things Up

A priest was in charge of the garden within a famous Zen temple. He had been given the job because he loved the flowers, shrubs, and trees. Next to the temple there was another, smaller temple where there lived a very old Zen master.

One day, when the priest was expecting some special guests, he took extra care in tending to the garden. He pulled the weeds, trimmed the shrubs, combed the moss, and spent a long time meticulously raking up and carefully arranging all the dry autumn leaves. As he worked, the old master watched him with interest from across the wall that separated the temples.

When he had finished, the priest stood back to admire his work. "Isn't it beautiful," he called out to the old master. "Yes," replied the old man, "but there is something missing. Help me over this wall and I'll put it right for you."

The priest lifted the old fellow over and set him down. Slowly, the master walked to the tree near the center of the garden, grabbed it by the trunk, and shook it. Leaves showered down all over the garden.

"There," said the old man, "you can put me back now."

Jesus often shook people up when he felt that things were getting a little too comfortable. People often used the term stress when their lives are out of control. However, if you feel burnout because you are feeling stagnated from your work or personal life then find ways to “branch out.”

That could mean putting in for a job that is more challenging, or learning a new set of skills to make your job more meaningful. If you really are at a dead end, and finding another job is not an option, then branch out in your personal life—ramp up the excitement level outside work by getting started on that list of things you would like to do “if only,” or things you have in the back of your mind that you would like to try but just have not taken the first step yet. Perhaps you can take a class and learn to play a musical instrument or pick up your camera and take a walk in the beautiful of the season or read a spiritual book. I need to get back into the woods and take more autumn photos like today’s “walk in the woods” image.

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “In that day the branch of the Lord will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel.” (Isaiah 4:2).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sonshine Friends who need to branch out and see their beautiful within. Give us the eyes to take a moment to walk in the woods this Autumn and see the glory of your creation.

Looking Sideways

I learned a secret that most women have known all their lives. It is the trait known as “looking sideways.” In plain English, you can hear your mother shouting: “Pay attention.” But my lesson was about learning how to look at things from a different perspective.

At yesterday Peddler’s Fair, I was signing calendars for a parishioner when from the side there were three little children about age four jumping up and down pointing fingers at some of the animal’s photos. What caught my eye was the sheer wonder and joy as their enthusiasm went from the horses grooming one another, to the owl, then to the eagle. They were hopping around the photos, jumping for joy as if they had never seen such wonders in their life for the first time. There was sheer joy in their hearts and it knocked my socks off to think that these “little ones” were entertained by the images that were taken many years ago. But you see my friends, you have to pay attention to your surroundings.

How often do we sit and groan about life and look forward instead of sideways to take notice of the interesting things going on in our lives. Of course, women have known this truth all their lives that in order to make sure something is clean you have to look sideways to make sure all the drips have been collected.

Are there any drips in your life that need wiping up? Are you stuck at this stage in your life doing the same things over again without any joy? I appreciated the support of my parishioners encouraging me to share my photos at this public show. To my surprise, I have been invited to bring the gallery to two other shows in Hilton and Brockport in November and December. Who would have thought that these images would be welcomed into people’s homes? But the best part of the show was looking sideways and watching those children laughing and enjoying themselves.

God knows when the drips in our lives (problems) cast a shadow of doubt and make us down in the dumps. We need to learn to look sideways and take notice of the many ways God's spirit of love makes itself present in our life. For me, children laughing and dancing around the animals were the delight of my day.

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “But the eyes of the Lord are on those who love him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love.” (Psalm 33:18).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sonshine Friends whose eyes need to look sideways for all the ways you come to our side to bring comfort and hope. Help us all to pay attention to your goodness in our daily lives and look sideways.

Gated Community

Over the summer, I was invited to an engagement party for a young couple and found myself at a table of retired Catholic school teachers. While they lamented the closing of many wonderful Catholic schools, the focus of the stories turned to their new lives as “grandmothers in training.”

One new grandmother shared that taking care of her new granddaughter was a joy that had its challenges. She was living with her daughter and son-in-law in a “gated community.” She explained that there was a gate at the top of the stairs to prevent the baby from falling. Then there was another gate at the bottom of the stairs from going up the stairs. There was another gate in front of the basement stairs and then the most important gate was the one to the laundry room where the family kept the dog’s food and water bowl. If one were not watchful, the little one would crawl her way to the dog food bowl and help herself to a tasty snack.

Despite the gates in this home, this twenty year plus retired educator shared her experience and wisdom in teaching this crawler about life, reading her granddaughter stories and playing with her blocks and stuffed toys. It was a new vocation that brought her much enthusiasm and joy to her life.

Still, I wonder how many people feel that their churches have put up gates that prevent them from experiencing this joyful spirit. I am aware of those misunderstandings that plague our minds and souls and result in people feeling unwelcomed and unaccepted in their faith communities. But as I share with my college students, we are all searching for joy and Jesus knew the best place to find that joy in life. He simply taught to take all our wonderful gifts that we possess and help our kids with their newborn child, or sit by the side of a parent in their bedroom as they wait the glory of God or take our neighbor to the their favorite restaurant, the Olive Garden. My apologies to my Italian Sonshine Friends who claim this is not a real Italian restaurant but the neighbor believes they make the best sauce in town.

Jesus does not expect all of us to walk the road to Calvary and die on a cross. Although sometimes we felt crucified by the church, our family or employer. Despite, these painful moments that take away the joy, I want you to refocus your heart on the fact that God wants us to take the risk to bring His love to those who feel helpless, unwanted or misunderstood. Those of us, who chose not to follow Jesus to the cross, are home doing hard good work like washing the dishes, taking out the garbage, working two jobs and mending fences with our in-laws.

Jesus watches over us as we reflect: “Lift up your heads, O you gates; be lifted up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.” (Psalm 24:7).

Lord, I promise to pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are willing to take the risks to forgive those who have hurt them in the past, bring comfort to those who seem unlovable and wrap our arms around those who need God's love. That’s when the spirit of joy takes over our life and we are bridge builders who make the glory of God shine on earth as it is in heaven.

Dancing with Molly

This weekend, I was invited to a 4^th of July picnic and fireworks with some special friends. There was one stunning moment that I shall never forget. Little Molly is the apple of the eye of her family. A little girl born with special needs, yet, despite her physical and mental limitations, she walks around with an infectious smile.

One of her adopted aunts was playing bubbles with her. She was trying to get Molly to blow through the little tube to make bubbles. But the moment came when all the adult women of the family gathered in the living room for a magical moment. All the women started to dance with this “little one” singing at the top of their lungs the “hokey poky.”

Little Molly started to twirl around and around and mom and grand-mom and all her adopted aunts were raising their hands in the air smiling and singing getting Molly to smile and laugh. To some it might look pretty silly, but to me it was a precious moment like the seventy-two in the gospel bringing their neighbors a message about God’s infectious love for each of them, despite their limitations, theirs weaknesses and sins. It was a message of hope and pure joy.

Molly’s messengers were dancing and surrounded her with joy and laughter to make her feel like a special little girl despite the fact that the world may only see her physical and mental limitations. In the eyes of these special women, they were sending their precious Molly a message that she is indeed a "child of God.”

Somewhere, as we grow older we begin to accumulate lots of fears. Mostly about our survival. How will we retire on a dwindling pension, or make ends meet when unemployed, live on Medicare, or after college graduation find a job that will use our degree and training? Lots of stress that takes emotional energy and results in medical problems. We begin to despair, lose hope and the joy of life is taken away.

Molly's adopted aunts sang their hearts out to let this little girl know that she was perfect in their eyes. Can you believe that God sends us the same joyful message in our hearts that sings that no sin whatever is unforgivable and that every one of us can cheat death. What these messengers offered was liberation–-not from sin and death–-but from the fear of sin and death.

About nine o’clock grandma started handing out sparklers and lighted multi-colored wanes to all the kids. As the evening grew dark, the kids put the lighted wanes on their heads or around their necks and wrists. It looked like a court of princes and princesses. The kids were dressed up for a parade. Imagine a parade in heaven where you are a kid again, running around with a sparkle in your hand and a lighted wane on your head and all God’s children living in harmony and joy.

God prays for us as we reflect: “Let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy.” (Psalm 5:11).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are in need of your reassurance and liberation. Like Molly, may we find ourselves surrounded by our Lord’s joy and laughter who wants us to live without the fear of sin and death.

Dessert from Dad

At the end of my Father’s Day Blessing, I told the community to give their dads an extra dessert. I remember my dad and I going to Andy’s Ice Cream Parlor on Hudson Avenue to have dessert. He liked to order a vanilla milkshake. Not today's pancake syrup that ends up like a lump in your tummy. Rather, these shakes were made with real ice cream and real milk. They also were made in the old fashion stainless steel cylinder that kept the ice crème cold.

Yesterday, I had this craving for an old-fashioned vanilla ice crème shake. On the eve of Father’s Day, my dad must have been nudging me to sit down for a moment and share a treat we use to enjoy together. Where does one find an old fashioned milkshake? I was in the mood for a real old fashioned shake made with real cold milk, skim milk would work just fine and homemade ice crème.

I never tasted a Cold Stone Creamery milk shake so I gave them a try. Regretfully, I discovered that instead of cold milk, the young person poured some pancake concoction into a plastic container that made the shake stiff as a board. I prefer to taste the cold milk and see the lumps of ice crème in the stainless steel cup.

That’s what I miss about my dad, someone just to pull up a stool and let him listen to my day. Someone who really was interested in what I was doing and someone who had the best ideas when it came to treating yourself to your favorite dessert.

That’s what God our Father has in store for you. Think of heaven where your favorite dessert will be made, “just the way you like it.” Not some gummy imitation, but served with the real fruit, or real vanilla bean, or real cold milk, or real “hot fudge and peanuts.”

Imagine God decked out with a soda fountain hat and apron ready to take your order and smiling with a grin that says wait till you get a taste of this.

God prays for us as we reflect: “ Be wise, my young son and daughter, and bring joy to my heart. (Proverbs 27:11).

Lord, I pray for all my Sunshine dads who are at home with you in heaven or the dads who are cuddling their babies and "little ones" to sleep tonight with a bedtime story. May we always be grateful for their sacrifices that they make daily in this life to keep us safe and warm. Bless their hands and all their good works and give them “Sunny Days and double desserts.”

Greeter in Heaven

I had been called to provide trauma services to a local group home staff after the death of a long-time client. Instead of sorrow, I came home with joy.

After the debriefing, I met one of the residents at the group home who was a special case in the state. Her nurse shared that this young lady was on a respirator and required 24/7 nursing care.

Her mother was visiting that morning and the nurse brought her young patient in her wheelchair to the dining room. Her smile was childlike and she was coloring in a book of numbers. She looked up and asked me my name. When I said: Matthew, she immediately responded that it was a beautiful name. The smile on her faced made her glow with delight. I asked what her name was and she happily said that it was Miriam. Miriam was the prophetess and older sister of Moses and Aaron. The origin of the name Miriam is unclear, but some think it comes from the Egyptian meaning “beloved.” In the Hebrew, Miriam comes from the verb meaning obstinacy and stubbornness and both her mom and the nurse agreed that sometimes this young lady displayed this character.

Her mother sat by her daughter’s side and watched her carefully for Miriam would often get excited and jump up from her wheelchair pulling out her respirator. Her nurse would gently coaxed Miriam to settle down and put the respirator tube back in its place.

I told Miriam that she had an amazing smile and what a wonderful greeter in heaven she would be. Instead of St. Peter who might be asking us probing questions about our poor judgments, I suggested that Miriam would make a great greeter in heaven because her smile would immediately take away any fears. Miriam’s smile simply brings peace and joy to anyone who looks upon her.

Miriam mom was most taken back with this complement of her daughter. She thanked me for the generous words, but I shared that her daughter while misunderstood by her outward limitations possessed a wonderful charm and gift that you could see all over her face.

In my ministry, many people have worried themselves sick or as one patient called it” brain freeze” that he was going to hell. The messages in the classroom and from the pulpit were not very uplifting or consoling. I had been called upon to bring comfort to a grieving staff, but found myself in the presence of the spirit of a young woman bound to her chair and oxygen tank yet full of delight and joy. Her face radiated the glory of God’s love and peace that the Lord wants us to feel despite the messages of doom and gloom.

How many times are we judged by our outward appearance or the misdeeds of our past. Miriam like the Lord sees only the good in our hearts and always welcomes the broken and fearful soul into his Kingdom. The Lord comes not to condemn but to redeem and bring us eternal peace. Remember that the next time you feel your spiritual soul is on empty and needs a shock of Miriam to spice up your troubled soul.

God prays for us as we reflect: “But with you there is forgiveness’ therefore you are revered.” (Psalm 130:4).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine friends that they will be greeted by one like Miriam as they approach your heavenly gates. May all their good deeds go before them and their poor judgments be keep locked away in a vault of forever after. Peace be with you all my Sonshine friends and thank you Miriam for sharing your wonderful smile of joy.

Sometimes it Doesn't Click

In the field, I like to travel light with the least amount of clutter when taking photos of some pristine landscape or delicate flowers in the meadows. Many years ago, I was visiting Tobomory in Ontario with a group of park tourist as we were heading for Flower Pot Island. On this tour, a local photographer was taking photos for a magazine and I noticed how simply he moved about the rocky paths. He had a fanny pack around his waist and all his camera gear, lens, camera bodies and film were always available. He walked with a monopod to steady his hands and feet and I marveled at how swiftly he was able to change lens with the system he had developed.

I like to copy people who have simple ideas so I purchased a photo fanny pack. On each photo shoot, I carry my lens, camera, extras batteries and digital disks, no film for passionate soul. However about three weeks ago, I lost the clip that secures the belt around my waist. I searched all the usual places where I store my gear with no luck. Finally, I went to my friends at Rowe, but their solution was that to go online and purchase a new clip.

I happened to be driving on Ridge Road and decided to check another camera store. One of the salesmen is a Nikon guru who knows equipment, but as I waiting for him another young salesman heard my story took the fanny belt and simply unclick the buckle and said, “Here you go.” I was embarrassed and surprised. It appeared that the clip was in the buckle all along and that it slipped out of the belt. Are there not times the answer to life’s complicated problems is staring at you in your face, but you are just too anxious to see the solution? Must be stress.

Many times we struggle through difficult moments like the young couple praying for there premature triplets to grow healthy, or a professor recovering miraculously from his burns in a fire. Then there is the unemployed searching desperately for another job. or the senior mother emotionally abused by her addicted adult son. Sometimes our brains fail to click to find the solution to our problems. At these times, I feel a quiet moment away from the busiest of our lives helps to slow us down and reboot our brains so that we can better manage with the complicated situations of our lives.

This morning let me take you for a walk through a bluebell meadow. It’s a moment where you can spend a few moments of peace and quiet. We learn in scripture that Jesus went off to the desert to pray. It was his moment to relax and reboot his head and his heart. Well, I’m grateful that instead of a desert I have the natural forest to allow my soul to reboot and find calm in a storming situation.

God prays for us as we reflect: “He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters.” (Psalm 23:2).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are not clicking very well these days. Maybe they lost someone special to them or daily struggle with a chronic illness. As they walk along the bluebell meadow, let them feel the cool breeze on their face and may the breath of your Spirit fill their minds and hearts with your heavenly peace.

I Just Don't Care Anymore

“I just don’t care anymore” were his words describing the months of rejection by the penal board refusing his request for work release. The young inmate had reached his breaking point and has become bitter and angry about his prison experience. He had hoped to enroll in any kind of work release program and return home. Despite his numerous appeals and support from his prison committee, both the prison superintendent and Albany have rejected his attempts for a work release program.

He admitted that he has been hiding his feelings from his parents and friends. No one can say that they understand how he feels at this moment. You are naïve and fooling only yourself. The daily boredom and routine have driven him to withdraw and build up a wall. It is how he survives each day. He has nothing in common with the outside world. His former business, his love for his dog, and hopes for the future are gone. He is no longer interested in the activities of the outside world. He cannot be bothered with the details of other people’s lives. He admits that he has no connection with the outside world and he just doesn’t care about the mundane things that bother the rest of us.

He has chosen not to associate with the other inmates since all they talk about are their crimes and appeals or the food to pass the time. He no longer has any motivation to exercise or read. They were once the daily the activities that gave him energy to face each day. Some would say that he is clinically depressed. He would tell you that this withdrawal is the only way for him to remain stable and not go insane.

Listening to the emptiness of this soul and finding a way into his broken heart made my stomach churn with pain. So I just listened and prayed to the Spirit to help me get a glimpsed of his pain and sadness. The light of truth came when I took off my pastoral and clinical mask, and simply walked with him in silence to feel his sadness. He needed someone to give him permission to be sad.

Walking with this inmate through his tears of sadness, his darkness was a moment for healing. He understands that his parents have filed a formal appeal and are hopeful of their son’s release. Despite this appeal, he cannot allow the luxury of any hope in his heart. It is too painful to even think about another disappointment. Therefore, the only way for him to survive is to go “into the desert” and wait for God’s mercy and justice.

This need for patience is breaking this young man’s spirit. So in that moment of silence. I told him that I love him. No one can steal his unique gifts of compassion, creativity and love for his favorite dog. We must do the praying and worrying and appealing for him. He needs to do what he thinks is best to keep himself sane even it means to withdraw from this world so that he no longer feels the pain of rejection. It is his agony in the garden.

Lord, send your angels to protect all our inmates who have lost hope in a the world that no longer has any meaning for them. Let your angels comfort the souls who feel abandoned and rejected by a system focused on punishishment rather than rehabilitation. Give strength and courage to my young friend, his wonderful parents, his many friends, and this humble chaplain who simply do not get it nor understand the sadness of prison life. Our young inmate is absolutely right. None of us can really undertstand his pain or sadness. How dare we say we understated! We can only walk by his side, never in his shoes.

God prays for us as we reflect: “My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.” (Psalm 25: 15).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are incarcerated and their family members who visit them in our correctional facilities. Shelia met me with a smile at the reception center, a 25-year sergeant in the penal system. She shared her experience when an inmate was “out of line.” In her own words, she would say to the inmate: “Let’s go have a smoke and a cup of coffee and tell them sincerely, ‘I’m not here to judge you but my job is to keep you safe.’” Lord, keep all your inmates safe in your hands.

Weeping Prayer

This weeping cherry blossom tree reminds me of the moments our mothers have simply cried for no particular reason. Tears just flow due to the exhaustion of their day or disappointments of life. So imagine yourself sitting underneath this lovely cherry blossom and your mom comes up to you to share this beautiful prayer when you’re feeling out of sorts.

Imagine you are six years old at the time and sitting underneath this tree and you are crying. We don’t know why. We are just crying and crying. Our mother comes along and says, “What’s the matter?” We whimper back, “Nothing, Leave me alone!” So mom did and then we really start to cry. About fifteen minutes later she comes back and sits beside us underneath our tree. “You know, she says, I have to tell you something. There are going to be times in your life when you are going to cry, and you won’t know why. You won’t understand and neither will anybody else.”

Then mom said she was going to teach us a prayer for the times when we are crying and we don’t know why. She made you get off the ground and stand up underneath this tree. She said, "now put your arms around yourself." We did, but it wasn’t good enough for her. "You’re just folding your arms," she said. "Put them all the way around yourself. Cuddle your body. Hold yourself the way you would hold a baby in your arms. Now after you have a real good hold of yourself, close your eyes and begin to rock yourself. Rock yourself real good, the way you would a baby, and just keep doing it."

"When you grow up, no matter how old you are, and find yourself crying and you don’t know why, I want you to rock yourself just like this. And as you do it, remember that you are God’s little one, and that God understands why you are crying, even if no one else does. And remember, too, that God holds you close, just the way you are holding yourself, because God loves you very much. Then just keep rocking yourself and be comforted."

God prays for us as we reflect: “ For you, O Lord, have delivered my soul from death. my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.” (Psalm 116:8).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Caregiver Friends who are coming apart at the seams. Remember this prayer and whenever you feel miserable just stand wherever you are—in the kitchen, in your bedroom—and wrap your arms around yourself as tightly as you can. Rock yourself. Before long you will be able to feel God holding you in the same way you are holding yourself. You will be comforted the way you were comforted as a child when your mother held you in her arms and rocked you.

It's All About the Timing

A courageous friend struggles with her suffering that she would gladly give back to God. Many years ago, he legs grew tired for she suffers from multiple sclerosis. Daily, she prays for strength and she is not afraid to give God a piece of her mind about her suffering, Despite her disease, her mind and heart yearn to see the flowers in bloom and smell their sweet scents.

If you are sensitive to the seasons, you would note that all our flowers are three weeks ahead of schedule. Two weeks ago, I was scouting Highland Park at six in the morning for a sunrise and images of flowering magnolias. One has to be at the right place and know the right time to find the glory of God lurking in the trees and shrubs. Never disappointed, I discovered that the lilacs were beginning to bud out, but the surprise was a “weeping cherry” that was shining in the morning mist.

Our suffering soul would welcome the opportunity to see the lilacs so this weekend, mind you three weeks before the official Lilac Sunday, she found herself being wheeled through the gardens to witness the miracle of nature and smell the lilacs. She was like a little kid, simply glad to be outdoors and enjoy the beauty that was peaking in the morning sun. In one week, the budding lilacs were now ablaze in a glorious display of purple and crimson colors. If you are waiting for Lilac Sunday, you will be disappointed because the flowers will be past their peak. Go now my friends!

Many times I hear people say, “They don’t wish to be a bother.” They struggle with some suffering that is known only to us. At those moments, we have an opportunity to blossom and reflect the profound beauty of God’s care for his people. It might simply be a gesture that says we notice their struggle and take their garbage to the curb, or take away their loneliness by bringing a plant into their home, invite them to lunch, or if we are really mindful, pack them into our van and let them smell the lilacs.

The miracles of Jesus were simply being mindful that it was the right moment to make his friends more wine, bring them more fish, forgive them a poor judgment, or best of all, raise them to eternal life. God’s timing is perfect, but we can be just as mindful with a little extra attention to detail. God is watching us, not looking for our failures, but watching our timing so that we don’t miss the opportunities to bring his comfort and love to others. It might simply mean bringing our friends to the pansy bed to see all the smiling faces.

God prays for us as we reflect; “Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come, the cooing of doves in heard in our land. “ (Song of Solomon 2:12).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who feel that the Spirit has given them more than their share of suffering. Imagine that you tie all your sufferings to your outdoor tree. May the Spirit give us a nudge to take one of those sufferings from our neighbor’s tree and help them feel and experience the power of God’s love for them.

The Shepherd Never Gives Up

This Shepherd never gives up on her sheep. I literally was walking into the hospital to visit a young couple that just gave birth to triplets. As I walked onto the third floor, I met the new dad pushing the wheelchair with his beloved spouse when he started to cry on my shoulder. We silently washed our hands and made our way into the unit. It was there that I met the Good Shepherd.

The Shepherd doesn’t give up on her sheep. She was the doctor who gently explained what was going on and that their tiny little son was in serious condition. She drew his heart and showed what was wrong. But, then she told the parents, “your boy’s a fighter” and I will not give up for I have a few tricks up my sleeve. In the next moment, this shepherd asked me to baptize the baby and with the parents blessing we prayed and asked that this “little one’s” angels come to guard over and protect him.

The next twenty-four hours proved to be difficult for his oxygen levels began to drop, but once again the shepherd stood guard over her sheep and administered new medicines to bring the sheep back to life. We are at day seven and at this moment, our little lamb continues to survive and thrive at a miraculous pace. I have never witnessed such faith and tenacity in a pediatric doctor but she truly imitates what Jesus said: "I am the good shepherd. As the Father knows me and I know the Father, in the same way I know my sheep and they know me" (John 10:14).

Yes, there are many times in which we feel stretched and at the breaking point. These parents no doubt felt that Jesus is a million miles away. But we prayed as a family in these times of sickness and fear to guide us through some difficult decisions and believe these words: "My sheep know my voice, and I know them. They follow me, and I give them eternal life, so that they will never be lost. No one can snatch them out of my hand." (John 10:27-30).

As an artist, I love the theme of Jesus being pictured holding a lamb, or carrying a lamb across his shoulders, or watching over sheep. Jesus is the one who cares, the one who saves the lost, and rescues from trouble. He is the one who is intimately and individually concerned about each one of his sheep like our little infant. He provides his sheep with everything they need. The shepherd is the one whose staff and rod defend the sheep if any danger should come their way. Like the shepherd who doesn’t give up, our pediatric doctor refuses to give up and will not let anything harm her sheep in her care.

God prays for these parents and their baby boy as we reflect: “The Lord is my shepherd, there is nothing else I need. I will not be afraid for you are close beside me.” (Psalm 23.)

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends and our triplets, their mom and dad and young babies who needs our prayers and a shepherd’s watchful care. Help us to be shepherds to one another for goodness and love will follow us all our lives and we will live in the house of the Lord forever.

On My Knees

Recently, I have been down on my knees praying for lots of good people. The professor in severe pain after his recent apartment fire. He faces a second skin graph and a long recovery. Then there’s the pregnant mom with triplets who would prefer her babies were not too anxious to arrive. We need them to stay put until July and grow stronger. Then there’s a young man whose leg was amputated and his spouse stands at the side of his bed to offer reassurance and comfort. Once again, a young innocent man waits in prison for his appeal so that he can return home to his parents and friends. And let's not forget all our furry creatures like Tucker who needs prayers that his lame leg will get better.

On my knees I pray that God would take good care of these people. But what happens when it seems that God does not answer our prayers?

I am glad that God does not answer all my prayers the way I pray. Not only does logic and faith enter in but the story I wish to share with you a story that will convince you of its truth.

Somewhere and many years ago, I read of a young girl by the name of Amy. It seems that she often prayed to God that her brown eyes would be blue. Well, the next morning she rushed to the mirror and found that her eyes were still brown. She was really crushed. In trying to console her daughter the mother said that God did answer her prayer. It was with a "no". Many years passed and God called Amy into missionary service. She responded to the call and became a missionary to the country of India.

In the course of her ministry she was grateful that God had not answered her prayer the way she prayed. Now, dressed in the garb of the natives, her skin tanned brown, she could pass among the people and be extremely effective in her ministry. There were several times when she actually rescued some children. In from the danger of the temples of India. You see blue eyes would have given her away.

God prays for us as we reflect: “We do not know what we ought to pray for…: (Romans 8:26)

It is so important to always add, "Not my will, but yours be done, Lord" to our prayers. So, the bottom line is to pray, yes pray without ceasing, and to know that God will answer your prayer. It will be either with a "yes", a "no" or a "wait".

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that You do all things right. Amid difficulties and disappointments and the prayers that seemingly are not answered, may my friends be encouraged that You are there with them.

Sweetness of the Spirit

The Parkside Neighborhood Watch is a volunteer group of residents paroling the streets to keep people safe. Their latest bulletin featured stories about a dozen cars being broken into because they were not locked. The message was simple, lock your doors, observe and report anything suspicious.

Well the disciples were acting a little suspicious. News comes to them that Jesus is alive and instead of everyone bolting with glee to the tomb we find our faithful paralyzed in their sandals. Locked behind closed doors. Why didn't they go looking for him?

Sometimes we tend to lock ourselves in. We refuse to go out because we're too ashamed, too blue, or too afraid we will run into someone and, frankly, we can't stand the thought. Sometimes we stay away from even church for the same reason.

Shame and fear are cousins. First cousins. If you are ashamed of something that is known already, you are afraid of being seen by people in whose eyes you will catch flickers of disapproval. If you are ashamed of something people do not yet know about, you are afraid that just by being out and about in public, someone will discover it, and it scares you half to death. For every last one of us, there are things we have done whose discovery we fear.

All of us have closets in our hearts, little chambers into which we toss the shameful things we've done and the shameful things we think we are that make us feel unworthy. We toss them all in the closet and lock the door so that what people can see is just the neat and tidy and orderly living rooms of our lives. But like the disciples, we fear that someone might inadvertently open the wrong door, and out our shame will tumble for all to see.

The disciples were ashamed of what they had done, they were ashamed of what their cowardice revealed about who they simply were as men. So they locked the door, telling them they were keeping the Jews out when really they were maybe keeping themselves locked in. But then Jesus did what he always does for anyone locked up in his own shame: he comes in anyway. He enters the room, he enters the heart, and he breaks into the shame.

Jesus says "Shalom." He speaks a word that is the opposite of fear and so squelches shame, puts away and banishes any thoughts the disciples may have had about Jesus' bearing a grudge. He was not out to settle any old scores but to create a whole new situation.

Jesus breathes the sweetness of the Holy Spirit upon us as we pray and reflect:

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock." (John 20:19).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are too afraid, too ashamed or too paralyzed by this or that feature of their life, the lock won't stop Jesus. He will appear right in the middle of our locked-up heart and before you even have the chance to say or do a blessed thing, he will say "Peace to you!"

Easter Begins in Nonsense

The disciples heard the women’s words and heard the angel’s words but found them all to be nonsense. No one was anticipating or even hoping for a resurrection. They knew, as we do, that things like that don’t happen in this world, that the world is more or less predictable: dead people stay dead, and death is where it ends for all of us. After all is said and done they all believed this: Easter begins in nonsense.

Wit is the title of a remarkable made for television movie. It’s about a woman, Vivian Bearing, who is an English professor, whose specialty is John Donne, the sixteenth-century poet and clergyman. Vivian is dying of cancer and she is virtually alone, dealing with doctors and nurses and hospitals and researchers who convince her to submit to a particularly powerful and painful experimental regimen of chemotherapy. She loses her hair, loses weight, is dreadfully sick, and the chemotherapy doesn’t work. Her tumor shrinks but the cancer spreads. She is going to die. Throughout the story, John Donne’s "Holy Sonnets," keeps coming up in memory, Donne wrote:

“Death be not proud, though some have called thee

Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so . . .

Why swell’st thou then?

One short sleep past, we wake eternally,

And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die.”

John Donne’s words keep emerging in her subconscious. But then, as death nears, someone finally speaks her name. Her professor and mentor, now an elderly woman, seeks her, finds her, alone in her hospital bed and says, "Vivian–is that you?”--and then does the most remarkable thing–removes her shoes and gets in bed and holds Vivian, cradling her head to her breast. She reads Vivian the book she has brought. It’s not John Donne; it’s a simple child’s book about love that will not let us go. It is about what John Donne wrote about. It is about love more powerful than death.

“Once there was a little bunny, who wanted to run away.

So he said to his mother, "I am running away."

"If you run away," said his mother, "I will run after you, for you are my little bunny."

"If you run after me," said the little bunny, "I will become a fish in a trout stream and I will swim away from you."

"If you become a fish in a trout stream," said his mother, "I will become a fisherman and I will fish for you."

"I will be come a rock,"

"If you become a rock, I will become a mountain climber and I will climb to where you are."

"I will become a bird and fly away from you."

"If you become a bird and fly away from me," said his mother, "I will be a tree that you come home to." (The Runaway Bunny, Margaret Wise Brown)

God prays for us as we reflect: “ “He asked you for life, and you gave it to him—length of days, for ever and ever. (Psalm 21:4).

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends on this Easter who celebrate your life giving words. In the quiet of your heart, imagine Jesus crawling into bed with you, holding you close to his chest and speaking the words of everlasting life. "And death shall be no more, Death, thou shalt die." Death no longer rules. Jesus Christ is risen today.