Blood Pressure Off the Roof

 

My dear friends from Nashua came for a visit and left me some rhubarb from their garden. Well our retired or more preferred label “senior priest” looks up grandma’s recipe for rhubarb crumble. It said cheat and buy a pie crust but I decided to challenge myself and found a flaky pie crust recipe.

 

Following grandma’s recipe, we started chopping the rhubarb that called for three cups rhubarb but I had only 2 ¼. No problem I’ll just run down the street to TOPS in Attica and get a few more stalks. To my surprise, no rhubarb in the store. This means we have to drive into Batavia and check the TOPS produce. Again, I see none in the veggie case so I ask a young clerk if they have any rhubarb. His response, I just started working, so I nudge him and said, “Could you go ask someone if there is any in the back.” Somewhat bewildered he walks off, several minutes later he appears and says there’s none in the store. You got to be kidding I say to myself. Isn’t this rhubarb season. Back in my car, I google Batavia, NY farm markets and see several outside of town, so I call the first one and voicemail says, "Hi, this is Stan and Judy we’re not here right now.” Now the blood pressure is really hitting the roof. I’m short three quarters of a cup and no stalk to be found in Batavia. Then I realize what about Walmart grocery. Google again, rhubarb and Walmart and there’s a photo of the plant. So off I drive, walk into the veggie section, scan the aisle and again none to be found. I see two Walmart produce ladies and “kindly” ask: “where’s the rhubarb," and they reply, "we don’t carry rhubarb in the store."

 

At that moment, I wanted to show them my cell phone screen with a picture of the rhubarb in the Walmart store. I held my ground, but inside we were hitting the roof. Whose else might carry this plant. There’s BJ’s but to save time, I call and a young says, “what’s rhubarb?” No, I say rhubarb, it’s a vegetable.” Dead silence, "can you ask if BJ’s carries rhubarb." Several minutes later, the voice comes back and says, "sorry we don’t have rhubarb...have a nice day." That’s it! I’m ready to explode when I turn to our maker and pray: Lord, what are You trying to teach me here. I just need another cup to finish the darn recipe. The farm markets are closed on Wednesday, the groceries stores ran out and I am short. Not only in the recipe but I have a short fuse. I make a left hand turn to start out of town when out of the corner of my eye I spot a food stand along the road with the word printed on the sign:” RHUBARB.” Really, I say to myself, you guys have been hiding all the time.

 

I pull over, get out of the car and shout to this guy. Any rhubarb, he says, I just picked 5 baskets today. Lucky for me he had five stalks left. Now I wonder was there a moment Jesus blood pressure hit the roof.

 

You bet, like the time he started teaching in his own town and the response comes: Who is this kid? Who does he think he is teaching us anything about God. Isn't he Mary’s child down the street, didn’t his dad use to make table and chairs before he passed. Worse, it says, that outside of a few healings, Jesus could work no miracles in his own village.

 

How sad, when you put people in a box. We assume we know all about them and that they have nothing valuable to offer us so we close our eyes and hope they go away. Or worse, we hear and see them and our blood pressure goes off the roof because we fail to take a breath and see things will work out in the end. Like I knew all the time, this guy would be selling rhubarb at four in the afternoon after checking out a half dozen other stores.

 

Lord when we hit the wall, our blood pressure boils over from stuff we can’t control or put people in a box, give us patience and the wisdom to slow down, and let go and allow Your grace to relieve our stress and know good things will come if we just stop being so miserable and stubborn and allow your grace to take root in our hearts.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends, know at this very moment I’m getting the rhubarb crumble ready to put in the oven. After it cooled out of the oven, we tasted the rhubarb crumble and to my surprise, it was sweet and yummy. My soulmate said, now aren’t you glad I pushed you to make the rhubarb.. Sometimes all our faith needs is a little courage and perserverance. Sounds like the ingredients Jesus used when his the religious leaders and his own people rejected him. Instead of getting upset and boiling over, in faith he persevered and continued to heal and spread the good news. Courage and perserverance. Sounds like a good recipe to take home today. Don’t you think!

 

 

You got to have the tools

 

So, you might wonder what does a retired priest do in his spare time. Today’s photo gives you a glimpse of what I have been working on for the past 11 years.

 

I am blessed to serve as caregiver of an amazing piece of heaven that we refer to as “Reviresco.” In Latin, the word means “to be green again.” So, this weekend, I spread wildflower seeds over two berms that had been overrun with weeds in the hope of restoring beauty to the hills and inviting monarch butterflies to taste its sweet nectar. My hope is to stop mowing grass and create meadow grasses throughout the property.

 

We have designed and cleared many trails to walk and enjoy the beauty, but throughout the seasons large tree branches will fall and block the trails. The chainsaw you see in the gator comes in handy, but I have been warned by my soulmate to be very careful. Thanks to a good friend, the chains are sharpened and he has taught this amateur forester how to girdle the trees and clean up the forest so that the next generation of woods will grow healthy and add to the beauty of the forest.

 

What else do you see in the gator?  Yes, we have a gator but not for fun, although you are most welcomed to come and visit. I would gladly give you a “Disney” ride through the forest where you mostly will see deer, fawns, rabbits, chipmunks, racoons, hawks, a great heron and if you’re really lucky an owl flying through the trees.

 

The tree loppers and metal clippers have cut down 10,000 grapevines, barbed wire fence that bordered the land has been torn down, an invasive plant known as honeysuckle continues to be one of my daily chores since they number in the thousands, and we have cleared and carted away over 13, 000 pounds of metal and debris to the local scrap metal yard. However, there is more debris buried underneath the soil since this was a common practice for farmers in past decades to put their trash in some corner of their land. For now, the boxes of trash bags and colored tape are used to marked the areas for safety as we continue to collect more debris as it comes to the surface. 

 

Now imagine, if Jesus had a gator, what tools do you think He would bring to clear the land to make way for the Kingdom of Heaven on earth. Simply put, the Lord’s gator would run on “unconditional love.” His would carry loads compassion and mercy and coping with the messes we often make in our ordinary lives lots of patience and understanding.  It can be really hard to accept that we are loved unconditionally; often our experience is limited and cut by lack of love. My arms and legs often get cut up by the thorns from the honey locust, and I can imagine that Jesus gets cut by the hurt we cause through our indifference and intolerance.

 

No doubt, Jesus is hopeful that His crop of humanity will grow and flourish. He provides the rain and sunshine and simply asks for our faith so that He can shower us with joy. Yes, our God does want us to be happy and at peace. You are forgiven and loved beyond belief. Let that sink in.

 

Now I have a favor to ask you my Sonshine Friends. My hope for Reviresco is that before I die, I will find an educational institution that will maintain the beauty of this forest and streams and use to teach future generations how to conserve and preserve the beauty of the land. To date, no success, but if you have any contacts, let me know. Have them email me at: drmattkawiak@gmail.com

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that that we are forgiven and love beyond belief. Let that sink in!

 

 

Life is Stormy

 

Do you ever feel like you're being called to something new? Called to a new place? Called to do something different, be someone different, be more yourself? I am in that moment right now as I transition from serving as a Catholic parish priest, to retirement or what we now refer to as “senior status.” 

 

We all have these feelings, these senses, these epiphanies at different times in our lives. And sometimes we listen to them and sometimes we ignore them. Or, more likely we “freak out.” The theme that we read in this week’s Gospel is the theme about the storm. It's a great theme. Why?  Because our lives are stormy. There are a lot of sunny days, but there are a lot of storms in life. In the Gospel, Jesus and the disciples are going out on the lake, you know, on that day when evening had come, that's when we're weary. Hopefully, we wake up in the morning excited for the day, ready to get at it. Not every day maybe, but by the time we come to the evening, as the days go on, things don't go as we expect them. Life is unpredictable and that can wear us down. And so, by the evening, people are weary and disciples, they're weary, Jesus is weary.

 

Jesus says to them, "Let's go across to the other side." What's the other side in your life right now? If Jesus said to you today, "Let's go across the other side. Come with me and let's go across the other side." What does that mean to you? What would he be inviting you to?  Because I think today he is inviting you and me to go with him to the other side. 

 

And maybe that's got something to do with your relationship with God. Maybe it's got something to do with your job. Maybe it's got something to do with your spirituality. Maybe that’s got something to do with your church?  Maybe it's got some to do with your health, your marriage, your children. You know what it is for you and I know what it is for me during my “so-called retirement “when Jesus says to us today, "Come with me and let's go across to the other side." We don't want to, right? Sometimes we don't want to or perhaps more correctly, we want to be on the other side but we don't want to go across the lake to the other side. We want Jesus to just sort of pick us up and drop us on the other side. We don't actually want to make the journey. We don't want to make the transition, or put more bluntly makes changes in our life.  And that's why we're resistant, because we're mindful that out on the lake, hey, it's stormy out there. The lake's unpredictable, life out on the water is unpredictable and can turn very quickly and can get very scary. 

 

So, when Jesus comes and says, "Hey, guys, let's go out on the lake and go across the other side," we are a little bit hesitant, or shall I say, obstinate, I’m not going nowhere, another way of saying “I’m not willing to make changes in my life because it’s too scary.” 

 

Jesus and the disciples, they get in the boats, they go out there. A great storm of wind arose and the waves began to beat the boat and the boat began to fill with water. Where's Jesus? He's asleep. What does this tell us? 

 

Like so many things. Firstly, it tells us most of the things we worry about, Jesus would sleep through. Most of the things we worry about, Jesus would sleep through because he knows there's nothing to worry about. We know that most of the things we worry about never actually happen. Imagine how much more Jesus knows that. So, all the disciples, they are freaking out.

 

Jesus is asleep and they finally wake him up. Right? What do they say to him? "Teacher, do you not care? You don't care about us. We're perishing here and you're asleep, taking a nap." Jesus calms the waves, says, "Peace. Be still." Calms the waves. And he says to them, "Why are you afraid?" What's he really saying? He's really saying, "Hey guys, I'm right here. I've been taking care of you for almost three years now, you know? Why are you afraid? Haven't you learnt yet, if you're with me, you're going to be okay? The problem is when you step away from me, that's when you should worry. You step away from me, that's a real storm. That's a storm to be worried about, but you're with me, why are you afraid?"

 

So, there are two questions I want you to think about today. What is the other side that Jesus is inviting you to journey with him to? And the second question is, what is the storm in your life at this time? We've all got a storm in our lives. Sometimes it's an afternoon shower and sometimes it's a hurricane but we've all got storms in our lives. There's always something happening. There’s change for me in my retirement and soon there will be change for you. What is the storm in your life right now? And where is Jesus in the storm? Are you with Jesus in the storm?  Is Jesus asleep? Because if he's asleep, he's telling you, "It's okay, we're going to get through this, this will pass. Stay with me. You'll be all right. I'll make sure you're all right." That's what he's saying to us. Jesus is telling us that we are going to be fine. He is telling you that no matter what changes are coming, you all are going to be fine. What's the storm in your life and what journey is God inviting you to? Come to the other side. 

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are in the midst of a storm and afraid to make the journey that God is inviting us not to worry for He is telling us that we are going to be just fine.

 

In the Shadow of Your Goodness

 

SPECIAL NOTICE:  Please forward the email address of family and friends who you think would like to receive this Sonshine to my email address: drmattkawiak@ gmail.com 

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I called Denny, a local farmer and asked him if it was too late to plant my wildflower seeds. His candid response, “No father, we haven’t planted our corn yet , it’s a good time to plant your seeds.” There are several parables about sowers in the Gospels and the sower has a job to do. And sower's job is to go out and sow the seed. So does the sower worry about, you know, if the seed will grow? Yes. Does the sower worry about, you know, if there'll be a storm? Yes. Does the sower worry about, you know, if there will be a rich harvest? Yes. But God essentially says, "You know, don't worry about things you have no control over, put your energy into those things you are responsible for.” We do this all the time. We make ourselves responsible for things we're not actually responsible for, meanwhile, neglecting things that need our attention.

 

We worry about things we can't control and we use that as an excuse for not actually doing the things we are in fact actually responsible for. God says, "Hey, be mindful of your own personal responsibility. Your job's to sow. Let me worry about what sort of dirt it falls in. Let me worry about the weather patterns. Let me worry about what the harvest will be. You focus on the one thing you can actually affect,"because that's when you have the most effect." When we affect the things we can actually affect, that's when we live in our power, that's when we live connected to God, that's when we're most impactful. It's when we start focusing on things we can't actually affect, we can't influence. We can't change that. You know, we become like a leaky tire. We just lose all the energy, all the air just sucked out of our lives. And so what's God saying to us today? Focus on sowing the seed. Bring the message to as many people as possible.

 

Share the message with as many people as possible. You know, some of them will respond to it. Some of them won't. That's life, it might not be their time. That's okay. Just keep sowing the seed. There’s another parable about the mustard seed, you know, which is the smallest seed and yet becomes the greatest of all the trees, shrubs, etc. There's a line I think we sort of graze over it sometimes or slip past it. Jesus says, "Yet when the mustard seed is sown, it grows up and becomes the greatest of all the shrubs and puts forth large branches so that the birds of the air can make their nests in its shade."

  

The goodness of your life is like those large branches. It brings comfort to other people. It brings shade to the birds. It brings shade, a place for them to make their nests. Your goodness comforts people in their lives. Life is a long, weary journey and sometimes in the midst of that long, weary journey all people need is to spend a few minutes in the shade of your goodness.

 

To spend a few minutes in the shade of your goodness can completely transform their day. It can restore their hope in humanity. It can restore their hope in their own lives. And so what's Jesus' saying to us, he's saying, "Allow me to grow you. Allow me to give you big branches. Allow me to fill you with my goodness so that you can go out and share that goodness with weary people in this weary world and restore their hope in themselves, their lives and humanity."

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that when we see people who are spent and weary, let them spend some time in the shade of our goodness.

Remember Who You Are

 

This morning I am celebrating Mass looking out into the meadow watching the deer jumping over our fences. Last Sunday, I handed the “keys” of Holy Family to Fr. Corey and pray the community embraces his ministry with open arms. In July, I wiil be celebrating Mass at our cathedral while our bishop is away on vacation. For this morning, my first Sunday in “senior status” I have this story to share for your reflection on this Feast of Corpus Christi.

 

In my 44 years of ministry, I was invited to teach at a Dominican Monastery on a variety of spiritual topics. You might wonder: “what's a cloistered nun?" Well, this was a group of 20 nuns at the Monastery of Mary the Queen in Elmira, New York and they take a vow of community. They would leave the monastery for medical reasons and they pray.

 

As a Catholic priest counselor I got permission to go behind the cloister wall to address the nuns.

 

The nuns shared that they once invited a priest with his Methodist minister friend to talk to the group. The minister shared that they were the most non-Catholic audience of all time. He said, they were all on time, they were all smiling and they were carrying bibles. He said, "Smiling, punctual, Bible carrying Catholics?” He has never seen it. 

 

After the minister talked, Mother Assumption said, "I want to thank you. And I also want to tell you, after listening to you, you sound really Catholic." And [laughter] the minister said, "Well, thank you. I guess it's coming from a nun. That's a compliment." And she said, "So I have to ask you, why aren't you a part of the church?" He thought to myself, "That's a strange question. I am a part of the church. I mean, it says right here in my card, Pastor, United Methodist Church, C-H-U-R-C-H, church. I'm a part of the church." I said, "Oh, I don't understand the question." And she said, "Well, let me ask you again. Why aren't you a part of the church?" "I guess what you're asking me is, why am I not Catholic?" She said, "No. What I'm asking you is, why aren't you a part of the church?" Same words. Gentle smile. Persistent but gentle and loving. Three times in a row. And I said, "Mother Assumption, I don't really understand your question so I'm just going to tell you why I'm not Catholic." I said, "I don't really know why I'm not Catholic, to be honest. I grew up Methodist. I don't know that much about Catholicism, as you could tell [laughter] in these talks. But if I had to answer, I'd probably say, "I'm not Catholic because I don't really understand what you all believe about communion." For me, it's just obvious that the bread and the wine or the bread and the juice, because as Methodist, we used juice rather than wine, they're symbols. They're special. They're important. They're holy. But to somehow believe that they're miraculously transformed mysteriously into the body and blood of Jesus, literally, that just doesn't make sense to me. I said, "So I love you and I respect you. And this has been an incredibly enriching for me. But I'd have to say that's probably why I'm not Catholic." She said, "Okay." She said, "You got your Bible?" And he said, "Yes, ma'am." She said, "Would you open to First Corinthians, Chapter 11, verses 23 and 26?" And I said, "Yes, ma'am." And she said, "Would you like to read those words aloud or shall I?" I said, "You know what, Mother Assumption? You're doing a great job [laughter]. You go ahead [laughter]." And so she said, "These are the words from Saint Paul as he wrote to the church in the Corinthians and the church there in [inaudible]. 

 

And St. Paul wrote, 'And he said, I hand it on to you what I received from the Lord that on the night he was betrayed, Jesus took the bread, gave thanks, broke it, gave it to his disciples and said, take, eat, this is my body.'" And then Mother Assumption closed her bible. And she said to the minister, “what don't you understand?" And all the nuns and sisters giggled. 

 

And they had a little bit of a laugh. But the minister admitted that the hand of God did come down and plant a little seed about the size of a mustard seed in the back of his soul that eventually did draw him home into the one holy Catholic and Apostolic Church. Because these words are who we are.

 

We are the people of the Eucharist. That's who we are. The Sunday’s gospel says, "As they were eating, Jesus took bread and blessed it. And broke it. And gave it to them and said, 'Take. This is my body.'" 

 

We should love being Catholic. And Corpus Christi is one of the big reasons why. Because this is who we are. We are the people of the Eucharist. Always remember who you are.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends to remember that you want to stay close to us and receive you in the Eucharist which is Your way of hugging us and saying: “I love you.”

 

Please forward your feedback about this reflection and names of family and friends who need our prayers. If you like a print of "Today's Sonshine" deer photo: forward your email to my attention and I would gladly send you a copy for your home or as a gift.

 

Fr. Matt email address: drmattkawiak@gmail.com 

 

How God Heals the Hardest Thing You have Ever Done

 

The news reported that the last child out of the house fire was transported to the hospital and did not make it. The principal had called a meeting to meet with her teachers and therapist to sadly report that it was their student who had died in the fire. Shock and disbelief and silence filled the room, staff left the room overcome with grief. This student was the silly one, he kept your attention to the point of exhaustion, but he was the one who brought joy into the classroom.

 

Why Lord, why do the ones who bring us joy have to suffer? There were plenty of tears from his teachers who put their hearts and souls in helping their gifted student cope with their multiple medical issues. When the media showed a child’s boot that was burnt in the fire is when this teacher lost it, angry that the media could be so heartless. Memories of a child they had taught for years who was loving and in one word just “a happy child.”  Now these dedicated educators had to deal with their emotions of lost and pain, crying tears and feeling exhausted from lack of sleep, thinking about the horrors when this child was hiding in a closet from the firemen who were not able to save this little one.

 

There are no words that can heal but only a touch that comes with a hug that says you are not left alone. For in those moments in our life, especially when a child dies, when faces are puffed red with tears and we are trembling inside with grief, the Lord comes to bring strength and courage to carry on in our journey of life.

 

God’s crucial word on grieving well is 1 Thessalonians 4:13: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” Yours is a grieving with hope. Theirs is a grieving without hope. That is the key difference. There is no talk of not grieving. That would be like suggesting to a woman who just lost her arm that she not cry, because it would be put back on in the resurrection. It hurts! That’s why we cry. It hurts.

 

The next lesson is the most revealing. It is confidence in the knowledge that children who die go to heaven. David’s response to those questioning his reaction to the death of his child has always been a great source of comfort to believing parents who have lost children. “But now that he is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23). David was fully confident that he would meet his son in heaven. This passage is a powerful indication that children who pass from this world will go to heaven.

Grieving the death of a child is a heartrending journey. There are no hard and fast rules or guidelines to teach us how to handle our mourning. However, as I listened to the broken hearts of this dedicated school staff who experienced the loss of a their student these were my healing thoughts:

• Recognize that you are not alone. You have God. You have your brothers and sisters in Christ. You have close friends and family. Lean on them. They are there to help you.

• Healing is not on a timetable. You’re now discovering grieving this loss is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Don’t put time limits on your recovery. Don’t expect a day to pass without thinking about this student, nor should you want to. People refer to it as “the worst that can happen,” and that’s exactly what it feels like.

• Talk about your student. It’s important that you share the story of this student with others.

• Take care of yourself and your other children. Students in your classroom, your children at home. They, too, are suffering. They grieve the loss of a classmate and have the additional discomfort of seeing their teachers in grief.

• “Write. Just write.” The first blank page is difficult. “This silly student died and life will never be the same.” A journal can be our safe haven to empty the well of our sorrow, pouring tears of ink onto paper. And for a little while, we can let our emotions rest. There’s no magic secret to the journal. Just pick up a pen and begin with one word or sentence. Keep writing. Healing is not on a timetable. In fact, time doesn’t fix this kind of loss. Healing comes from actively pursuing life again. After, you’ll look back on your words and not recognize the person you once were. You’ll see how strong you really are.

 

•  Yet despite all the words we might want to say to relieve the pain of these teachers, nothing seems to lessen the  intense pain over losing their student, but there are support groups for parents who lost a child. Because they were the only ones who could empathize with our pain, parents find listening and talking to them truly therapeutic. One organization that might help is “Compassionate Friends.”

 

•  Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the sadness. It means you’ll be able to have memories without attaching intense despair.

And lastly, Christians who have experienced the death of a child have the grand and faithful promise of God’s Word: “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (Revelation 21:4).

 

This student’s loss can teach us to love harder and appreciate every single day. It teaches us to reach out to others and begin sharing our story in hopes it could reassure other wounded teachers and staff there is life after loss.

Yesterday, I remember the call I received to come to this beautiful school and help after I heard the news of the death of one of their students. The first thing I did was walk up to the principal and give her a hug. People need to share their story, don’t walk away and change the subject. Listening is healing and know that I pray for your healing and comfort.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends” who have experienced the hardest thing they have ever done. Give them the grace of your courage and strength and help them be at peace.

 

Leaping into Puddles

 

When was the last time you jumped into a puddle?

 

I don’t mean walking into one, gingerly hoping your socks stay somewhat dry. I mean starting about 10 feet back so you can gain some momentum and then leaping full-bodied into the air. There are distinct feelings associated both with the moment of leap and the wet slap of your feet on the ground when landing. This reflection, however, is primarily concerned with the feeling that arises at the moment of leap.

 

Recently, I had to make a really big, tough decision. At the pinnacle of my angst, I called up my old friend Ted. “I was writing my Sonshine reflection and I thought of you.” I could tell he was smiling through the phone when he said, “Oh, yeah?” I relayed to him that I had a huge decision to make, and I remembered that he is very good at decision-making. In particular, he is a trusted mentor and very good at taking big leaps of faith. I figured a quick phone call would help some of that rub off on me.

 

“Well, where are you in the decision process?” he asked. “Will you be making pro and con lists and thinking about every angle?” I shook my head and said, “No, I’m more at the stage where I feel like God is about to tell me to start running. I’m at the stage right before I think God is going to ask me to leap.”

 

When I hung up the phone a short time later, I realized that until the exact moment I said it out loud to him, I hadn’t realized how far I was in the discernment process. We are invited to get all the necessary information, have the important conversations, weigh the pros and cons. We are invited to pray all along the way. But the part that has always been the hardest and yet always the most rewarding for all of us is the moment we are invited to leap.

 

I feel like I’ve been standing 10 feet from a lot of puddles. Some are inviting enough that I’m ready to jump right into the awaiting joy, but most of them have me fearing perpetually wet socks. I feel like maybe it’s better if I stand safely away from these puddles and remain eternally locked in my pros and cons. But I know I’m not meant to stand safe and dry forever. I know God wants me to leap eventually. God wants me to risk the wet socks and the discomfort and the uncertainty, because God knows that if I just trust, the joy of the leap will be indescribable. I can’t get to that joy of catching air until I get going on that running start. None of us can.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who are stuck on the ground about a decision. If you are stuck on dry land right now looking at that puddle ahead, I invite you to start running with me now. Let’s have a little faith and leap into all God has waiting for us.

 

 

 

 

Married Deacon Ordained Catholic Priest

There's a famous line attributed to Francis of Assisi, "Preach the Gospel at all times. And only when necessary, use words." Deacon Corey Foegan will be ordained a Catholic priest by Bishop John Mack tonight at Holy Mother of the Rosary Cathedral. As shepherd and mentor to Deacon Corey for the past eleven years, I have had the privilege of guiding this parishioner and friend on his journey to respond to Jesus invitation to serve as a parish priest.

 

For me, to preach the Gospel means we should live lives of integrity, generosity, compassion, patience, and courage, in a way that speaks to the people around us and inspires them to embrace the Gospel in new and dynamic ways?

 

But as I shared with Deacon Corey in his studies, we also need to use words. We need to encourage people with our words. In the past year, Deacon Corey has shared in this ministry by preaching every other week in our parish at Holy Family in North Java. As ministers of God’s Word, we need to use the words of the Gospel to bring truth into people's lives. That's becoming rarer and rarer in our society.

 

We talk a lot about meeting people where they are and leading them to where God is calling them to be. This essentially was Jesus' model of evangelization. Jesus never preached to somebody before he fed them, healed them, comforted them. This was his approach. He went out to the people. He met the people where they were physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually. He met them where they were. He ministered to them usually, first, in a human need and then he ministered to them spiritually. He met them where they were and led them to where God is calling them to be.

 

As Deacon Corey embraces the ministry of priesthood, he will have the opportunity to preach to people who would benefit from a deeper experience of God or a richer spirituality in their lives.

 

In sharing my 44 years of ministry, I have had to search my heart and ask, "Are we really meeting them where they're at? Or are we standing down the road and saying, “Hey guys, come down here. Life will be better if you come down here.” Because that's not what God calls us priests to. He calls us to walk back down the road to meet them where they're at to say, "What is troubling your heart?  And they may say, "I am worried about going back to work,” They may say, “I got a whole bunch of credit card debt." They may say, "I just lost my job." They may say, "I don't like my job. I don't get on with my colleagues at work. I'm worried about my son's health. I'm worried about my daughter's education. And my mother’s sick. My dad's sick." The things that are heavy on people's hearts.

 

As priests, the most important gift we have to give people is our time. Time to listen and ask the question, “What's troubling your heart?” Because when we meet people where they are, we are first concerned with what's troubling their hearts. And there are so many ways that we can help people carry their burden.

 

But the first way is just to recognize that people are carrying a burden. To listen to the burden that they're carrying. And then, to do an inventory of our lives and say, "Okay, how can I help this person? What talents or resources do I have available to me that can help this person?" And the person may say, "I'm struggling with this." We may think, "I know this person was really good at that or an expert at that. Maybe I can connect the two, and they can help each other?" We're here to help each other.

 

Serving as a priest is not about just putting a Bible in every person's hand. Serving as a pastor is not just about baptizing every person. The priesthood is about bringing God's grace to each other's lives. It's about being people, for people. And I think when we try to bring a message to people in a way that lacks humanity, or ignores the humanity that they're wrestling with at that moment in their lives, then the message falls on deaf ears. Because you cannot preach to a starving person. A starving person cannot hear the message. You have to feed the starving person. And then their ears become open.

 

In my role as shepherd, pastor and teacher, this has been the focus of my mentoring Deacon Corey that every person’s life would be improved if they moved closer to God, if they had a deeper experience of the Gospel, if they had a richer spirituality, they're all starving in some way.

 

My humble gratitude to Deacon Corey and my praise and thanksgiving that he has accepted the invitation of Jesus to work out how people are starving, how he can feed them so that they can hear the life-giving, life-changing words of Jesus in the Gospel.

 

Fraternally yours,

 

 

Father Matt

 

What Kind of Friend Are You?

 

Do you have friends? I hope so. Here's the good question, though. What kind of friends do you have? Or better question might be, what kind of friend are you? Jesus gives us a really good measuring stick when he says: “Love one another as I have loved you.” Right there, Jesus summarizes the key quality of a great friendship in one word, love. Love that gives, love that sacrifices, love that's selfless, love that's patient. That's what Jesus said about true friendship. Love each other as I have loved you. So we're talking about real, true, deep, lasting friendships. Do you have any really good friends? And what kind of friend are you?

 

One sure way to learn whether you have a real friend is in a moment of crisis. You will see certain qualities. One thing you'll absolutely see is loyalty. Do you have friends who are only there when they need you, but nowhere to be found when your life lands in the ditch? Talking about loyalty, a friend is one who walks in when others are walking out. Love means a real friendship will be rooted in loyalty.

 

You also find that real love produces honesty in a friendship. A true deep friend speaks the truth in love. They don't just tell you what you want to hear. They actually tell you when you are doing something stupid. And they tell you things that are even harder to hear. A good friend will confront you when you're making a mistake, even when it hurts, because that friend doesn't just want to make you feel better. The real friend hopes to make you a-better-version-of-yourself. Do you have a friend like that? Someone who loves you enough to come to you and say, "You really ought to consider that again," or "if I were you, I think about this," even when they know you probably won't want to hear it. That's what a true deep friend does. They love you enough to speak the truth to make you better.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that they have friends who come to our side in times of crisis. They are loyal, forgiving and honest. What kind of friends do you have? What kind of friend are you?

 

 

Let the Tears Fall

 

This Sunday, I was greeted with tears as a parishioner shared her fear about her mother in the ICU on a respirator with Covid. Worse, the family is not allowed to come to the hospital because their mother is on the restricted Covid unit.

 

I can only imagine this daughter, her sister and brother wanting desperately to be with their mom at this time. However, I have no doubt that the intensive care nurses are providing comfort to their mom to let her know that she is not alone. So why did she feel like crying?

 

We often try to avoid giving into tears. Maybe we do not want to upset others. Maybe we do not want to look ridiculous coming to church with tears in our eyes. Or maybe we do not want to look weak. But why do we think showing emotion is weak? Is it not just human?

 

I wonder sometimes: what if instead I thought showing emotion was a sign of strength? After all, paying attention to emotions is central to be spiritual. Jesus taught that the movements in our souls tell us something about what God wants us to hear. If I am not willing to sit with and feel those emotions, however, how can we get out of them what God intends?

 

As this daughter places her mother into the hands of Jesus, I wonder what it would look like if I considered a crisis moment to be a time to experience emotion with Jesus. What would happen if we walked with Jesus down the road to Calvary and tried to feel with Him every step of the way? What if we let ourselves experience the emotions that He must have been feeling as he was rejected, scorned, whipped, and made to carry a cross? What if we stood by him while he hung on the Cross and just let the tears fall?

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who have tears in their eyes. Let them know this is a sign of strength. This be a way that allows us to connect with others. May our tears become a prayer that connects us with Jesus and makes His passion our passion as well and brings us comfort and peace.

 

Time for a Tune-Up

 

My tractor, mower and gator are getting a “tune-up” for Spring. This reflection is a “tune-up” session to get your spiritual vehicle body and soul back humming again. Let me share why it is difficult for us to spend some time in quiet prayer:

 

What are these forces that distract us? They’re simply the daily headaches and heartaches that afflict us.

First, the headaches: Thomas Merton was once asked what he considered to be the major spiritual disease in the Western world. His answer:

Efficiency. The major spiritual disease in the Western world is efficiency because from the government offices down to the nursery we have to keep the plant running and, afterwards, we’ve no energy left for anything else.

He’s right.

The first problem we have with prayer is that we’re too–busy and too–preoccupied to make time for it. There’s never, it seems, a good time for prayer. Always we’re too–busy, too–stressed, too–tired, or too–preoccupied to sit or kneel down to pray. We rise early, groan as our alarm-clocks startle us from sleep, rush through breakfast, ready things for the day, fight crowds and traffic enroute to work, settle into a task that’s demanding and draining, gulp-down a quick lunch, end the work-day tired, commute back home, ready another meal, tend to the needs of loved ones, share a meal with others who are just as tired and restless as we are, then, often enough, have still another meeting or event to attend in the evening.

The day simply takes us, consumes us, drains us, and leaves us, in its wake, sitting on the couch before a TV set, tired, dissipated, still needing to prepare some things for tomorrow, and wanting a mindless distraction rather than the discipline of prayer. It’s hard to pray in our over–busy lives.

 

But we’re not just too busy to pray, we’re also too restless. This restlessness is fanned to a high flame by the culture: five hundred TV channels are within our reach, the internet brings the whole world into our private rooms, there are new movies that we haven’t seen, new songs we haven’t heard, colorful magazines whose covers beckon, sporting events that seem to be on everyone’s mind, and every kind of special event from the Olympics, to the Academy awards, to World cups, to celebrity gossip programs, all distracting us. Beyond that, everyone around us seems to be travelling to interesting places, doing interesting things, meeting interesting people. We alone, it seems, are missing out on life, stuck, outside the circle, with nothing interesting to do.

 

It’s hard to pray when we are restless and, mostly, we are. Henri Nouwen puts this well: “I want to pray,” he says, “but I also don’t want to miss out on anything: television, movies, socializing with friends, drinking–in the world.”

 

Our deepest greed is not for money, but for experience. We don’t want to miss out on life. Thus, to pray is truly a discipline because when we sit or kneel in prayer so many of our natural cravings feel starved and begin to protest. Restlessness is a great impediment to prayer.

 

Finally, beyond the headaches and restlessness, there is the ambiguity of prayer itself. Simply put, prayer isn’t easy because we don’t understand it, don’t know how to do it, and don’t understand how the experience should feel. Talking to God, hearing God’s voice, and centering ourselves in God is not as easy as we sometimes make it out to be. God’s reality is not physical and tangible like the things of this world. The world seems more real; family and friends can be hugged, touched and talked to, (from a distance during Covid) and physical sensation of all kinds doesn’t leave us doubting its reality. But relating to God demands something else and it’s easy to find ourselves bored, doubting, distracted, and anxious to get on to something else when we try to pray.

 

What we experience in prayer is just as real as the physical world, but we need to be at a certain depth of prayer to know this—and that’s the paradox: because prayer can seem unreal we often stop doing it, but it will only seem real if we persevere in it long enough and do it deeply enough. We often give up too soon. Prayer isn’t easy.

So, once again let me suggest one way to pray:

Start your prayer with…

1.    Gratitude: Begin by thanking God, just like talking to a trusted friend, for whatever you are most grateful for today.

2.    Awareness: Revisit the times in the past twenty-four hours when you were and were not the best version of yourself. Talk to God about these situations and what you learned about them.

3.    Significant Moments: Identify something you experienced today and explore what God might be trying to say to you through that event or person.

4.    Peace: Ask God to forgive you for any wrong you have committed against yourself, another person, or Him and to fill you with a deep and abiding peace.

5.    Freedom: Speak with God how He is inviting you to change your life, so that you can experience the freedom to be the best version of yourself.

6.    Others: Lift up to God anyone you feel called to pray for today, asking God to bless and guide that person with comfort and peace.

7.    Finish by praying the Our Father.

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that we learn to let go of feeling restless and bathe in Your love in prayer.