The news reported that the last child out of the house fire was transported to the hospital and did not make it. The principal had called a meeting to meet with her teachers and therapist to sadly report that it was their student who had died in the fire. Shock and disbelief and silence filled the room, staff left the room overcome with grief. This student was the silly one, he kept your attention to the point of exhaustion, but he was the one who brought joy into the classroom.
Why Lord, why do the ones who bring us joy have to suffer? There were plenty of tears from his teachers who put their hearts and souls in helping their gifted student cope with their multiple medical issues. When the media showed a child’s boot that was burnt in the fire is when this teacher lost it, angry that the media could be so heartless. Memories of a child they had taught for years who was loving and in one word just “a happy child.” Now these dedicated educators had to deal with their emotions of lost and pain, crying tears and feeling exhausted from lack of sleep, thinking about the horrors when this child was hiding in a closet from the firemen who were not able to save this little one.
There are no words that can heal but only a touch that comes with a hug that says you are not left alone. For in those moments in our life, especially when a child dies, when faces are puffed red with tears and we are trembling inside with grief, the Lord comes to bring strength and courage to carry on in our journey of life.
God’s crucial word on grieving well is 1 Thessalonians 4:13: “We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope.” Yours is a grieving with hope. Theirs is a grieving without hope. That is the key difference. There is no talk of not grieving. That would be like suggesting to a woman who just lost her arm that she not cry, because it would be put back on in the resurrection. It hurts! That’s why we cry. It hurts.
The next lesson is the most revealing. It is confidence
in the knowledge that children who die go to heaven. David’s response to those
questioning his reaction to the death of his child has always been a great
source of comfort to believing parents who have lost children. “But now that he
is dead, why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but
he will not return to me” (2 Samuel 12:23). David was fully confident that he would meet
his son in heaven. This passage is a powerful indication that children who pass
from this world will go to heaven.
Grieving the death of a child is a heartrending journey. There are no hard and
fast rules or guidelines to teach us how to handle our mourning. However, as I
listened to the broken hearts of this dedicated school staff who experienced
the loss of a their student these were my healing thoughts:
• Recognize that you are not alone. You have God. You have your brothers and
sisters in Christ. You have close friends and family. Lean on them. They are
there to help you.
• Healing is not on a timetable. You’re
now discovering grieving this loss is the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Don’t put time
limits on your recovery. Don’t expect a day to pass without thinking about this
student, nor should you want to. People
refer to it as “the worst that can happen,” and that’s exactly what it feels
like.
• Talk about your student. It’s important that you share the story of this student
with others.
• Take care of yourself and your other children. Students in your classroom,
your children at home. They, too, are suffering. They grieve the loss of a classmate
and have the additional discomfort of seeing their teachers in grief.
• “Write. Just write.” The first blank page is
difficult. “This silly student died and life will never be the same.” A journal
can be our safe haven to empty the well of our sorrow, pouring tears of ink
onto paper. And for a little while, we can let our emotions rest. There’s no
magic secret to the journal. Just pick up a pen and begin with one word or
sentence. Keep writing. Healing is not on a timetable. In fact, time doesn’t
fix this kind of loss. Healing comes from actively pursuing life again. After, you’ll
look back on your words and not recognize the person you once were. You’ll see
how strong you really are.
• Yet despite all the words we might want to say to relieve the pain of these teachers, nothing seems to lessen the intense pain over losing their student, but there are support groups for parents who lost a child. Because they were the only ones who could empathize with our pain, parents find listening and talking to them truly therapeutic. One organization that might help is “Compassionate Friends.”
• Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never feel the sadness. It means you’ll be able to have memories without attaching intense despair.
And lastly, Christians who have experienced the death of a child have the grand
and faithful promise of God’s Word: “And God shall wipe away all tears from
their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying,
neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away” (Revelation 21:4).
This student’s loss can teach us to love harder and appreciate every single day. It teaches us to reach out to others and begin sharing our story in hopes it could reassure other wounded teachers and staff there is life after loss.
Yesterday, I remember the call I received to come to this beautiful school and
help after I heard the news of the death of one of their students. The first
thing I did was walk up to the principal and give her a hug. People need to
share their story, don’t walk away and change the subject. Listening is healing
and know that I pray for your healing and comfort.
Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends” who have experienced the hardest thing they have ever done. Give them the grace of your courage and strength and help them be at peace.
