Perhaps the most important
thing we ever need to learn is this: It is safe to love!
Yes, it is safe to be vulnerable because we are in loving hands. It is safe to
surrender because we fall into light, not darkness. It is safe to be weak
because the strength we need is found when we give up on our own power. It is
safe to give up the hurts we cling to because these lose their force when we
are in love. It is safe to trust, to let our loved ones be free, because a
power beyond us loves them more than we do and ultimately takes care of their
safety. It is safe to give ourselves over without fear because, as faith
teaches, in the end, all will be well. And it is safe to live our lives with
daring because God, as Julian Norwich assures us, sits in heaven, smiling,
completely relaxed, his face looking like a marvelous symphony. The world is
ultimately safe. It is safe to love.
Most of the time we find it hard to trust because we find ourselves wounded,
lacking confidence, anxious about many things, feeling the need to protect
ourselves. It is hard to trust and especially it is hard to show weakness and
to be vulnerable. We inhale a distrust that makes us want to show a superior
strength, attractiveness, talent, intelligence, self-reliance, and cool
detachment. Distrust and self- protection are everywhere. It’s hard to let
ourselves be vulnerable, to trust that it is safe to love.
And yet, deep down, vulnerability and surrender are what we most deeply want.
At every level, we need and want surrender. Morally and religiously, the entire
gospels can be put into one word: Surrender. Emotionally, psychologically, and
sexually the deepest imperative inside of us is simply: Surrender. And, deeper
than all of our anxieties and our need to protect ourselves, lies a truth we
know at the core of our being, namely, that in the end we cannot take care of
ourselves, we cannot make ourselves whole, and we cannot hide our weaknesses
from each other. We need to surrender, to trust, to let ourselves fall into
stronger and safer hands than our own.
How do we move towards trust? How do we move from the house of fear to the
house of love? There is no easy way, no simple formula, no magic bullet, and
simply realizing where we need to go is not enough to get us there. How can we
get there?
This
is a journey that takes a lifetime. To master this is to be a saint. So we
shouldn’t be surprised if we still find ourselves, at least on any given day, a
long ways from where we want to be. Perhaps the best advice comes from Ruth
Burrows, the British Carmelite. In her “Guidelines for Mystical Prayer”, she
offers us this:
“Surrender
and abandonment are like a deep, inviting, frightening ocean into which we are
drawn. We make excursions into it to test it, to see whether it’s safe, to
enjoy the sensation of it. But, for all kinds of reasons, we always go back to
dry land, to solid ground, to where we are safe. But the ocean beckons us out
anew and we risk again being afloat in something bigger than ourselves. And we
keep doing that, wading in and then going back to safety, until one day, when
we are ready, we just let the waters carry us away.”
Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends during
this Lenten Season that we learn to surrender and let go of our fears. In our
struggles, may the grace of mercy, kindness and compassion carry away our fears
into your warm, tender embrace.
