Earlier this autumn, Maria and Sandro asked me if I would preside at their wedding, I wondered what could a celibate priest possibly say to them or their many friends who struggle with making a life long promise. Sadly, the most difficult part of my counseling day is listening to a litany of hurt and pain caused by broken promises. 40% of marriages result in separation and divorce only create a emptiness that takes years to heal. So let me adjust your focus on this sacrament and get down to eye level and share what married folk probably already know whether you been married one or fifty years.I have an idea what a good marriage means and it has nothing to do with the number of cars in your driveway, the neighborhood you live in and the length and breath of your plasma TV. Let’s get real, your expectations of marriage were false to start out with. You only thought you knew everything about the person you married. Just like my camera, I’m still learning what all the bells and whistles are all about and when I switch to digital the learning will continue.
In thirty years of counseling couples, they have taught me a most profound truth about family and failure and promises. When a promise is broken, the promise still remains. In one way or another, we are all unfaithful to each other. We do break our most solemn promises, and sometimes we break them when we don't even realize it. I believe that a spouse can look at the long years of their marriage with gratitude, and hope for many more, only when one accepts their failures.
There have been times when a partner gets so angry or so hurt that we think our love will never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something happens beneath the surface. A bright little flash of hope and the water is bright and suddenly we are returned to a state of love again--till next time.
When I get angry with a shot that was blurred, it most likely means I should have used a tripod to hold the camera steady. In marriage, one learns that there will be a next time if we remember that in times of darkness we won't stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; when we acted foolish something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best we can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures will continue to grow. We can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.
Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that they remember their vows and know their broken promises can lead them to a deeper blessing. May we reflect a faith that rejoices in the healing we find in our frailties and failures.
