Gossip, Hypocrisy and Nurturing Good Habits

 

When a reading starts, "Now, when the Pharisees," you know it's coming. You know what's coming. This reading begins, "Now, when the Pharisees gathered together," it wasn't just one Pharisee. And this is the problem with the Pharisees, it wasn't just one; they were getting together. What's it about? It's about gossip, right? It's about the insidious nature of gossip. It's about how gossip destroys. The Pharisees get together; they got nothing on Jesus, so they attack his disciples. And they say the disciples, they're not washing according to all the laws, so Jesus must be bad because his disciples are doing this thing over here. And they come to Jesus. The Pharisees and the scribes asked him, "Why do your disciples not live according to the tradition of the elders, but eat with defiled hands?"

 

Does he answer that question? No, he doesn't answer that question. I love that. He just doesn't even answer that question. He just knows “who they are.” (For Fr. Adam –RC priests telling your parishioners they’re going to hell attending your church; for Bishop Mack people who want control that we can’t spend money to save the church for future generations; for Fr. Nadeem people who resist any changes in their church). 

 

Jesus knows their heart. He doesn't even answer that question. I think that's a beautiful lesson for you and me, because sometimes people come to you. They got questions, but their questions aren't coming from a good place. Their questions are coming a place of judgment and criticism. The Pharisees and the scribe, they all get together, they all have their little gossip sessions, and then they confront Jesus and they say, "We've got this question for you, Jesus." He doesn't even answer the question. It's brilliant. What does he say? "Isaiah prophesied well about you hypocrites. It is written this people honors me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. In vain, do they worship me teaching as doctrines the precepts of men."

 

It's powerful. It's strong, right? I can understand why their hatred for him grew because he's calling them out all the time. He's calling them out all the time, and you have to have a great humility to be able to be called out and say, "Yeah, there's wisdom there. There's insight there. I can change. I can grow." And they didn't have that. But you know what? I'm that Pharisee. I'm like those Pharisees. There have been regretful times in my life where I've gotten together with other people and gossiped about other people.

 

What does Jesus say? "You people honor me with your lips." There's been times in my life I've done that, "but your hearts are far from me." There's been times in my life-- "in vain, do you worship me teaching as doctrines the precepts of men," how often in my life have I clung to the worldly teachings of people rather than the eternal teachings of God? And so, if we-- if we pay attention, what do we discover? Well, the readings about gossips and hypocrites, and sometimes we are those gossips and hypocrites. And when we read the scriptures, unless we can see ourselves in each and every single person, we're deceiving ourselves.

 

We're deceiving ourselves because each and every single person in the scriptures is a messenger who comes to teach you and me something about ourselves, not something about somebody else, but something about ourselves. And then Jesus answers the real question. He says, "Hear me, all of you, and understand: there is nothing outside of man which is going into him can defile him, but the things which come out of a man of what defile him." What's coming out of you? How are you nurturing your heart? How are you nurturing your spirit? How are you nurturing your mind?

 

So, the good things are percolating in there so that when you engage with others, when you're in relationships, when your parish has to make tough financial decisions, when you are invited to give a new priest a chance to grow your parish, good things bubble up and overflow into this world. What's he saying? He's saying, "Nurture the inner life. The external is a reflection of the internal."

We can't control everything that's going on around us, but we can have enormous influence on what's going on within us. And he's encouraging us to pay attention to what's going on within you? What spiritual food do you need to nurture? What is going on within you so that we can resist the temptation to be gossips and so that we can align our actions with our values and not be hypocrites like the Pharisees.

Give Him A Chance

 

People are leaving the church. Why you ask? Too hot in church, no air conditioning, sermons too long, music sounds like a dirge, people in the pew gossip and are grumpy. Too many rules to follow, too much sandal, or simply no time, it’s the start of the football season and the Bills are expected to win the Super Bowl. 

 

Funny, same thing happened to Jesus. People were leaving. It says in the gospel, “they no longer went with him." And so, Jesus looks at his closest disciples, and he asked them, "Will you also go away?" It's a great question for your faith, isn't it? 

 

And it's a great question for your life. When the going gets tough, will you go away? When your relationship is challenged, do you find a way to hang in there?  When a bad habit produces a negative result, do you keep grinding it out, or do you give up. Here’s the question of the day for two parishes. When your church is not going the way you want, do you stick it out or do you walk away?  

 

Let’s be perfectly honest, it’s not easy being Catholic. Following Jesus, having faith, and really trying to become the best version of yourself. I mean, we all have bad days, we say stupid things like I heard this weekend, “What kind of nationality is that new priest coming to our church.”  We all have moments where we wonder, "God, are you really with me or not?" 

 

So, let me remind you of a forgotten word, a very unpopular word, “faithfulness.” You may know his cousins stick-to-itness and perseverance. Faithfulness, it's not the sexiest word around, is it!

For you and me, being faithful usually means being heroic in ordinary things. 

 

So, let’s skip the grim statistics that show less then 15% of Catholics are attending church. We don’t say it out loud but you might wonder, are we getting ready to close our churches for good? 

Not at Holy Mother of the Rosary Cathedral in Lancaster, not at Holy Family in North Java, because a bishop has made a radicle decision to invite some young, enthusiastic disciples to stir the bushes and knock on doors.  

 

Sounds just like Jesus with his young fellows, walking door to door in the marketplace and preaching the “Good News.” 

 

Next Saturday and Sunday, a young priest and his spouse, Fr. Nadeem and Rebecca will travel from Florida to preach the Good News to the cathedral and Holy Family. They have accepted the mission to knock on doors and invite your neighbors to come and taste the sweetness of the Lord. That’s probably means Fr. Matt will have to make more Snickerdoodle cookies.  

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends to remain faithful, not to be so critical or hesitate to take a chance not knowing the end result, but trusting that Your spirit will guide our churches to continue the saving work of your Son and Our Savior. Give Fr. Nadeem a chance, give Fr. Adam a chance people, they both need your prayers, your love and your support.

Knock on the Door

 

The cellphone glass was shattered. Didn’t drop it, didn’t smash it against the steel tractor. It just happened. Now the real problem. Where does one go to get it either repaired or replaced? Your choices are not too inviting. Either wait online for your customer service to replace or off to Target to find a customer service agent who assures you that it’s not a problem to transfer all your contacts, photos, whatever and then teach you how to use the newest and latest technology. No two screens look the same.

 

After several calls to different stores, Louis, the agent, says it’s a piece of cake. Meet him at 10am because by 10:15 lines will form and take hours. Only problem, arrive at 10am and no Louis.  Ron is working instead, apologizes for any misunderstanding. He takes my old phone, unboxes the new replacement and literally takes his fingers and says, “cross our fingers father, and hopes this works.” There’s a pit in my stomach that says, “we’re in trouble.” After several attempts, Ron says sorry you will have to upload each contact on your old phone. The old cell technology won’t talk to the new phone. I knew I was in trouble when he said “do you know your password for Google.”

 

I drove an hour from Rochester to Buffalo thinking I found my tech, instead I am driving home kicking myself saying things like, “should have done nothing, could have bought a new screen, should have walked away.”

 

That night, I’m receiving phone messages and I am lucky enough to reply but I have no clue how to get back to the home screen or how to upload the hundred phone numbers. Then a miracle. I contact my good friend Fr. Don who asked “how am I doing?” His response, come over his home, Ben his son, just completed uploading and changing over his new phone. Yes, there are angels!

 

As I walk in the door, this young man who is going to college to be an IT specialist, takes both the old and the new and within minutes has them talking to one another. No language barriers, no crossing fingers. With gratitude in my heart, I ask for a tutorial on how to use this new technology. How to download a text, how to change the ring tone, how to mute the sound during Mass.

 

We all have become dependent at pressing our cell phones to stay in contact with our family and relatives.  In some ways, the pandemic has allowed us to visit distant family although it’s not the same as giving them a hug ourselves. In the gospel, Mary comes to Elizabeth and we learn that the moment she comes through the door, the two women press flesh by giving each other a hug and Elizabeth baby’s moves inside her. She says he leapt for joy because she realized at that moment that Mary too was pregnant with the Son of God.

 

Today if people want to get in contact with you they have established YouTube videos for them to chat and meet people online. But I have another idea. Two surveys have shown that over 90% of youth have stopped going to church after finishing their Catholic education. Churches will continue to close, but I have an idea that reflects what Mary was doing this morning. 

 

An editor from The Tablet, Margaret Hebblethwaite, reports upon a diocese where 34 parishes have begun a program of using lay people as pastoral visitors. As the editor puts it, "Each member of the neighborhood pastoral team is responsible for making and maintaining contact with a dozen households. They are Catholics who want to live out the belief that the Church should care for 100 percent of its members, and not just the 15 percent who go to Mass. Sadly, another survey reported that during this pandemic 70% of the people watching Mass from their homes will not be returning to church. 

 

In reaching out to your neighbors, there is no suggestion that people might like to come along to church. In last year alone, these visitors have made more than 6,000 contacts.

The pastor writes ahead to say a parishioner will drop in. They do not go in pairs, to avoid any kind of intimidating posture. Basically, you are just calling on your neighbor. Somebody who may not be "practicing,' as we say, but who is in your parish. With what results? One team member discovered a disabled man who knew nobody in the street; neighbors had even been throwing rubbish over his fence. But now neighbors have helped to clean up his garden and got to know him, and a Eucharistic minister brings him communion. Another woman found one of the lonely people on her list singularly unresponsive, until the seventh time she came to see him, when he told her, to her amazement, 'I do so enjoy your visits.'"

This approach is a radical change. The usual teaching is that baptism brings one into the community of the faithful. Here the order is reversed; it is the knock on the door. The sacraments may follow later; we don't mean to imply that they are unimportant. But more important is to get to know people, to become friends, and if needed, to be of service. One visitor goes with lemons from her lemon tree to break the ice. Another takes her ten-year-old son, who asked, "Why are we going to this house?" She answered, "Because the parish thinks we ought to be more caring of each other and get to know people." He responded, "Oh, that's a good idea."

The approach is made to Catholics, but many people move, and visitors encounter people of other faiths or none. But they are still neighbors. And, as the editor writes, "The street is the place where the range of social problems is found: domestic violence, racism, loneliness, the trials of old age, adolescent rebellion, family stress and mental illness, not to mention a wealth of happiness, skill and generosity waiting to be tapped. 

 

One of the pastoral team says, "We are identifying a new mission ground. This is where we rub shoulders with those whom we do not choose for community, but rather with those whom God has called us to love - literally, our neighbors."

One woman in a wheelchair, who gave the visitors a long tirade about the way she felt the church had treated her, finally concluded, "If only the church was all like you, I don't think I would have ever left it."

Today Mary and Elizabeth show us the way to establishing relationships through this kind of visiting.  Our bishop is very worried that churches will close so his response has been to recruit young priests to come to his cathedral and here in North Java and a new parish in Las Vegas to inspire this community to press the flesh and to get to know the neighbors. 

 

In two weeks, Fr. Nadeem and his wife Rebecca will come to North Java for a visit with the intention assigned by Bishop Mack to start a new ministry at Holy Family. I trust that you will welcome them both with open arms like Elizabeth greeted Mary and help them both invite your neighbors to come and taste the goodness of the Lord at this altar.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends and miss you all very much. I am proud of all the good work you continue do in the name of the Lord. May the Blessed Mohter prtect you and keep you close to her Son.

 

Invisible Sin

 

Fr. Adam was feeling super anxious after he received his new assignment to start a new parish in Las Vegas. The devil began to attack him with thoughts like “am I going to be OK. Will people come to support him as he starts this new faith community.”

 

Then toxic thoughts got into his head, when he discovered that his former dioceses were sending notices that he no longer was a valid minister of the sacraments.  He feared: “would he be able to withstand the attacks from his enemies and haters and distractors and naysayers and fear mongers and the religious sectarians who will say that the PNCC is not real and valid and legitimate and not a licit Catholic Church.” Fr. Adam had a bad case of “monkey brain” when we only think the worse.

 

Fr. Adam prays that it would be nice to be vindicated. But more importantly, he asked, "Now, where do I go to get my name back?" It's a good question. After your name is dragged through the mud, after your reputation is ruined, after hearing the whispers and feeling the stares, where do you go to get your name back? Whoever said sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me didn't know much about gossip, did they?

 

"Where do I go to get my name back?". Within days of being incarnated into the PNCC, his former religious brothers had him all but condemned. Never mind that Fr. Adam was seizing the opportunity to start a fresh new democratic church in an area steeped in addictions where he would be a shepherd to save hundreds of lives. And yet his life would be ruined, dragged through the mud, through rumors and innuendo and gossip.

 

That naysayer never gazed into the sad faces of a family whose son has died in a tragic car wreck and heard the unfounded rumors, never heard them ask, "What causes people to feed on half truths and spread them with such ferocity?"

Truth matters because anything less than the truth eventually leads to pain for someone. The people of Israel love to murmur, and they love to complain, especially about Moses. They even complained about God. And all kinds of people love to gossip and murmur against Jesus just like this week’s gospel.

The truth is a powerful thing. In fact, our whole society depends on it. Every relationship you have, business, marriage, friendship depends on truthfulness, doesn't it? And when we don't tell the truth about other people, when we gossip, stick our noses into areas where they don't belong because of a desire to be in the know, when we slander, intentionally set out to hurt somebody with our words, bad things happen, marriages crumble, relationships sour, friendships end, churches are divided and sometimes lives are destroyed. 

 

The tongue is a dangerous weapon. It's a powerful tool, and there are no tongue control laws. Tongue is remarkable. It can destroy thousands of lives without shedding an ounce of blood. Most of us don't think of ourselves as murderers, do we? But we murder people's reputations when we gossip or when we stand by and let somebody else assassinate a person's character. Gossip can never be undone. Some people will never look the same way at that person again. It's evil. Gossip is the invisible sin. And tragically now, gossip is just another name for conversation. Social media has made murmuring normal. In fact, it's made it accepted, encouraged, and not even noticed. In fact, a lot of people have gotten rich off gossip. 

 

But you and I are called to be the people of truth. Honesty is not the best policy. Honesty is a way of life. People of God deal honestly with other people. We live the truth. We shouldn't look like the world.

 

A Cornell study found that we lie to people most often when we're on the phone and face to face, and least often via email and text, where there's a written record of what we actually say. But you and I are called to be different. Words have power. Words have the power to heal, to give hope, to encourage. 

 

So here's three simple questions to ask yourself before you speak. Number one, is this true? Take this seriously before you say something. Ask yourself is it true. If you don't know that what you say is true, stop. Second, is this necessary? Sometimes there's no denying the facts, but it's just not helpful to broadcast them or to have other people take pleasure in the shame of somebody else. There are times to remain silent, and the best way to prevent gossip is to ask yourself is it really necessary to say this? Does this person really need to know? And if the answer is no, stop. Third, is this charitable? Slander means to intentionally use words to hurt someone. And slander is easily prevented by this question. Will these words bring hope or healing? If it's not charitable, if the words can't bring hope or healing, stop. You and I are called to stand for the truth. We're called to stand out for the truth, to speak the truth, to use words to help, not to hurt. We are called to be a people of truth.

 

Fr. Adam shared a recent memory going to breakfast with two bishops after he was incarnated to a local restaurant in Scranton, Pennsylvania. To his surprise, the breakfast menu included “a pierogi omelet.” OMG, he said to himself. At that moment he felt that his grandma was with him and he knew instantly that he was going to be OK. He would be just fine.

 

Why, because when his “Babcia” shows up, everything is OK, she makes it all well. She always did and she always will. She taught him to be a person of truth, to be a minister of hope and healing. In his heart, Babcia brings Jesus and if Jesus is with us who can be against us?

 

He prays: “Jesus, I trust in you.” He asks his new parishioners to repeat that prayer everyday with him, and every day he promises to bless you with a big pierogi smile and a big hello. Come to his new church, Divine Mercy and know the truth that in his presence you will OK and experience the healing power of Jesus.

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends who have suffered from loose lips and narrow minds. With your grace, may we persevere in our quest and pursue our dreams. Put on your “pierogi smile” that drives away toxic thoughts and say to our distractors, we walk in the light and love Our Lord for who can stand against us.

 

 

 

 

 

Connections

 

Last week when I met Fr. Adam who plans to start a new parish in Las Vegas. I gave him some “fatherly advice.” Make connections. They are the key to happiness and your success as shepherd in your new faith community.

 

I always tell my patients connections are the key to managing stressors in life. While getting a leaky truck repaired, the dealership had someone drive me home. My driver was a retired military veteran who worked as a firefighter. I shared that my fire extinguishers needed to be inspected and he gave me the name of someone who inspected all the dealership fire equipment. I shared that I was able to get several grants for my local fire department to upgrade equipment. Didn’t he share that he reviewed fire department grants for FEMA. Another helpful connection that goes on my “building team” file. Oh yes, I have a list of contacts with 1600 names of builders, carpenters, tractor repair the list goes on. Most important is the person who is listed at the top.

 

Back to my new connection for fire extinguishers. Jim has been in this business for three decades. I have my five fire extinguishers ready for him to test and evaluate for their readiness.  He gives me a quick review lesson on how to use if needed properly. I like this connection a lot. Tells me where to place in the home and suggest we add one more for the garage where the lawn mower and tractor fuel are housed. Makes sense. I go back to my “building team” file and add a new category “fire extinguisher.” and our new connection Jim is list as #1.

 

Who are your connections that you value in life?  Brad is my #1 builder, Jeff my #1 tractor repairman, Russ my #1 doctor, Tim is my #1 bread baker, Dave my #1 internet installer, Dick my #1 farmer, Louis, my #1 computer guru. Oh yes, the dryer after 11 years is making strange sounds so a appliance repairman is showing up tomorrow. I pray this person becomes my #1 appliance repair person. And when things really fall apart, like when my body sputters and rattles, I call on Our Lord, for He’s my #1 healer of a troubled body, mind and soul.

 

And then Jesus starts this discourse about food, and He says, "Do not labor for the food that perishes but for the food which endures to eternal life." And He talks about how He has come to bring them this lasting bread, this lasting food, this food that doesn't lead to more and more hunger.

 

Was there a situation you were dealing with where you thought, "I need Jesus' advice? I need Jesus' counsel. I need His wisdom"? Did you seek Him out for that? Or when's the last time you just sought Him out just to spend time with Him just like you do a great friend? The people were seeking Jesus. They were looking for him. The people said, "Lord, give us this bread always. We want this bread all the time, Jesus. Give us this bread." And then Jesus says, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me shall not hunger, and he who believes in me shall never thirst." Were the people satisfied? No. Because they were looking for the passing. Jesus was trying to call them into the lasting. What's it about?

 

It’s like Jim, my fire extinguisher expert, showing me how to hold the fire extinguisher if God forbid there is a fire to put out. You point at the base of the fire. It’s like Jesus giving us advice that will satisfy our yearning for the truth on helping us to become all God created us to be. God places these yearnings within us. They draw us down a path that He wants to draw us along. And so, we're being invited to take off our limited worldly mind and to put on the mind of God and ask ourselves, "Okay. How does God want me to deal with these yearnings that are naturally a part of my life?”

 

Lord, I pray for all my Sonshine Friends that they seek lasting food that comes from the wisdom and counsel of God. May we seek lasting and not passing answers to deal with the yearnings that are a call to be the best spouse, the best parent, the best parishioner and the best friend that we can be. By the way, Dan is my new #1 dryer repairman.

 

PS I am still searching for a connection to help me use our enchanted forest with a purpose for education. Any leads from your college or organization would be greatly appreciated. Have your connection email me at drmattkawiak@gmail;.com